


Homestuck oneshots

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Fluff, Humanstuck, M/M, NSFW, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-11
Updated: 2016-12-11
Packaged: 2018-09-07 18:59:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,829
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8812357
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: I actually meant to make this an actual STORY but once I wrote the first chapter I realized that nah, I can't really make this into an actual fanfic. So, oneshots! Expect a few Davekat ones, because I'm literal trash for this ship. Any of my friends could confirm this. But yeah, feel free to leave suggestions in the comments, for pairings, and prompts! Thank you all for reading this!!





	

**Author's Note:**

> (First off, smut warning!! Very smutty. Like, there's a boner within the first five paragraphs. Watch out.)
> 
> Whoops yep of course the first one is Davekat. Anyway, since this is humanstuck, I gotta explain what my headcanon human Karkat looks like.
> 
> Ahem.
> 
> He's a redhead, with like. A ton of fucking freckles. He is the freckle king. It is not possible to count all his freckles. And he's really pale, and he's got prominent bags under his eyes, from a heavy lack of sleep. It's pretty unhealthy, really, but he doesn't give a shit. He's 5'0, but he SWEARS he's 5'1. That's a total lie though.
> 
> He normally wears gray sweatpants and a blank black hoodie, and a white t shirt underneath. He has a lil bit of chub on his arms and legs, n a lil pudge on his stomach. His eyes are an amber color, and he has silver studs on both ears, silver snake bite lip rings, and a tongue piercing. Obviously trying to combat his natural cute look with something more badass, which fails.
> 
> Oh jeez that's a lotta words. Sorry! I just really like my human Karkat. I'll get on with the story now.

Karkat huffed as he laid across his couch, stretching himself out immediately. A small noise emitted from his lips, and he draped his arms over the arm of the couch.

God, what a day.

He reminisced about the day he spent with Dave, how angry he had to act to not show him how much he really did like him. That was hard as all hell to do. It was even harder not to pull that tall asshole down and send their lips crashing against one another's, to let it escalate until Karkat was pinned to the wall, and -

Boner.

This is why he did his best not to think about these things. He always got turned the fuck on, and ended up with a boner, which he had to fix. That was never something he dreaded though. At all.

After a trip to the bathroom, he sat right back down on the couch and sighed. Back to daydreaming, then. He ~~tied~~ tried to keep his thoughts clean. For the most part.

After about an hour of just sitting, waiting, wishing, he finally sat up - he had laid down at some point - and texted Dave.

Because of his glitchy ass phone though, he could only type in all caps. It was kind of annoying, and made it seem like he was yelling everything. Which he was, normally.

> \-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG] at 20:24 --
> 
> CG: HEY.
> 
> CG: ARE YOU THERE?
> 
> TG: yeah im here bro
> 
> TG: whatcha need
> 
> CG: DON'T GET EXCITED ABOUT THIS.
> 
> CG: I'M JUST BORED AND YOUR PRESENCE IS SOMEHOW LESS AWFUL THAN EVERYONE ELSE'S AT THE MOMENT.
> 
> TG: woah dude are you asking me to come over
> 
> TG: like to your place
> 
> CG: YES.
> 
> CG: NOW GET OVER HERE BEFORE I CHANGE MY MIND.
> 
> CG: ASSMUNCH.
> 
> TG: yeah alright let me pack a bag since i assume ill be staying the night
> 
> CG: YEAH.
> 
> TG: definitely gonna pack some lube because I know youre a horny fuck and you want me
> 
> TG: i cant even remember how many times ive walked in on you with a hand around your dick
> 
> TG: and i know for a fact that i heard my name once before I walked in
> 
> TG: like jesus christ at least be more careful about when you do that and where
> 
> TG: wait holy shit are you just now hitting puberty or something
> 
> TG: fucking gold
> 
> CG: OH SHUT THE FUCK UP.
> 
> CG: FIRST, YOU DIDN'T HEAR YOUR NAME, I'LL BET YOU WANT ME TO MOAN OUT YOUR NAME LIKE A WHORE THOUGH.
> 
> CG: ITS OBVIOUS THAT YOU HAVE A MASSIVE CRUSH ON ME.
> 
> CG: SECOND, YOU KNOW WHAT PUBERTY IS LIKE, DIPSHIT.
> 
> CG: AND YOU KNOW SOME PEOPLE START IT LATER THAN OTHERS.
> 
> CG: THIRD, WHO THE HELL SAID I WOULD WANT TO FUCK *YOU*? I'M STRAIGHT, IDIOT.
> 
> CG: AND JUST BECAUSE YOU THINK YOU'RE THIS GOD OF A HUMAN BEING DOESN'T MEAN YOU ARE.
> 
> CG: AND FINALLY, MORE IMPORTANTLY, WHO SAID I WOULD BE SUBMISSIVE?

What a fucking liar.

> TG: i never said you were submissive
> 
> TG: great job admitting to being a bottom
> 
> TG: plus we all know youre not straight
> 
> TG: its painfully obvious man
> 
> TG: anyway ill be over in a while
> 
> TG: probably 20 minutes or so
> 
> TG: love you
> 
> CG: SHUT THE FUCK UP.
> 
> TG: <3
> 
> CG: I HATE YOU.
> 
> TG: <3 <3 <3 <3
> 
> \-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] at 20:55 --

Goddammit.

Karkat grunted and stood up, rubbing at his forehead and then his temples. "Fuck," he mumbled, finding his way to the kitchen. His red hair fell in front of his face, bags under his eyes. The amber eyes that were normally not even close to being bright looked somewhat happy, possibly just because of Dave visiting. He had too many freckles to count, all over his face and arms and hands and legs, and two people could literally bet on whether he had freckles on his dick. The one that guessed he did would more than likely be right.

He prepared some Doritos, and some apple juice for Dave. They were set on the counter in the kitchen, so that Dave would come in and see them. Meanwhile, Karkat would be in the living room. Since he knew Dave never knocked anyway.

A little while later, the door opened. Ten minutes earlier than Dave had said he would be there. Maybe he expected Karkat to be jacking off or something, and came a little early, just to fuck with him. But he wasn't, so the joke was on Dave.

"Hey man, you here? I brought us a movie - Oh shit you got apple juice and Doritos. You are a literal god, thank you so much. With all this damn stress, I need this shit." Karkat let out a soft chuckle and stood up, piercings reflecting the lights, and making two spots below his lip shine - he had snakebites - and both his ears, and his tongue, when his mouth was opened enough to see his tongue stud.

"Yeah. It's no problem. And what movie did you get?" Dave simply handed Karkat the case.

"I just picked it up on my way here. Didn't really check it out, just saw it and picked it up. Since it's a RomCom. I figured you would like it no matter what it was really about.

"You shouldn't just assume shit like that. I don't like _all_ romcoms. So you could have just spent your money on something neither of us wanted. Great job." Dave simply rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, whatever. Let's just go sit down and watch this. You can lay on my side and get a fantasy - induced boner and have me pause the movie while you go jack off, but say you're gonna piss. Because we both know that'll happen."

"I'm straight, numbskull. Can you not get that through your itty bitty brain? I don't want you. I don't."

And the world's biggest liar award goes to, Karkat Vantas!

The world's worst liar award also goes to, Karkat Vantas!

Dave simply gave a roll of his eyes, which were hidden by shades, and made his way to the couch. "Yeah, whatever. Just get over here."

Karkat unwillingly sat beside Dave, and the taller male pulled the redhead into his side. He made a small noise as he placed his hand on Dave's chest, eyes flickering between the tv screen, and Dave's crotch. He made sure it was subtle though. So Dave wouldn't notice.

But he did notice. And he fucking smirked, the smug bastard.

"You sure about being straight? I'm not sure that you are. Considering you're staring at my dick. Or, my crotch, anyway."

"I am not," Karkat said in response, though in a low mumble. He fixed his eyes on the screen, attempting to make it seem like he had been looking there the entire time. "But hey, I'll be right back," he added, pulling his hoodie down. Down over his crotch.

"Oh my god. I was kidding about the boner thing, are you serious? Holy shit." He was laughing, and Karkat was just frowning, with his cheeks burning a bright pink.

"Shut the hell up. I will make you shut up myself, if you don't. You piece of shit. And it isn't from fantasizing, obviously. Who would get off to _you_?"

"Do it. I _dare_ you. Kiss me. Shut me up. I bet you've wanted to do that for a long damn time. And I know you get off to me. It's obvious as fuck if you're not blind."

Karkat simply growled and shook his head, making his way to the bathroom. He didn't have the time for this.

After a few minutes Karkat came back out, to find that Dave had paused the movie for him. He snuggled back up against his side, and laid his head on Dave's stomach.

Karkat hadn't been paying too much attention to the movie, just on Dave's torso and crotch. But when he looked up, bam, there was a fucking sex scene about to happen on the screen. His cheeks went a little pink, but Dave didn't seem to be bothered. So he just sort of laid back down, watching the movie then.

Then as soon as - in the movie of course - the guy pinned the girl down, and pressed her ass to his crotch, Karkat could literally see Dave's dick rising. He snickered at that and sat up. Dave just rolled his eyes and stood. "At least I have a reason for getting one. Plus, I saw yours. My dick is bigger," he said with a small smirk.

"Don't think about my dick while you have a boner. It'll make yours hurt," he snapped back. Dave rolled his eyes and started toward the bathroom. Then he stopped and eyed Karkat.

"Unless you want to help me, I'm going to the bathroom." Dave smirked widely, and Karkat rolled his eyes.

I wish I could, Karkat said to himself, in his head.

"I'm.. Assuming you didn't mean to say that out loud?"

Shit.

Dave was almost speechless. He'd only been teasing the guy about liking him.

The Cancer could feel his heart drop. Damn it. "Pretend you didn't hear that and I'll give you ten bucks." Dave came over and sat down, then placed his hand on Karkat's shoulder.

"No. Karkat, no. That was an actual offer. If you want to rub me off or blow me, or, hell, even have full on sex right here and right now, we totally could. I was honestly offering." Karkat was shocked. Just. How did he even get himself into this situation.

"I.. Okay, then? Um." His very pale, freckled face became a little pink. "We.. We could always head to my room, if you want." He halfway mumbled the second part, with one hand on his neck.

Dave only nodded, and took Karkat's hand. "Of course."

Once he lifted Karkat to his feet, he looked down into his eyes, from behind his shades. He lowered himself down to kiss him, but he was stopped.

"Take the shades off. I want to be able to see your eyes when we kiss." Dave hesitated for a moment, frowning. He gave in though, reluctantly.

The albino's eyes were closed as the shades were removed, and when they were opened, he was staring directly into the other male's eyes. Dave was busy admiring the beauty that was Karkat Vantas' amber eyes (which he had never really gotten to see very well, because of the shades), while Karkat examined Dave's piercing red eyes. After a moment, the shorter boy was pulled up into an awkward, yet sweet kiss. Neither knew what exactly to do with themselves, but time seemed to stop anyway. In the touch of their lips, Karkat lost himself, and ended up pressing his lips hard up against Dave's, almost desperately. Dave pushed him away for just a moment, only for air. He gasped slightly, as did Karkat.

"Fuck, I'm sorry about that," Karkat said in a slight mumble. He'd assumed he'd done something wrong, at which point Dave shook his head.

"No, no, it's okay. You didn't do anything. Now.." His hands rested on Karkat's hips, and he stared down into his eyes. "Let's Head to your room." Karkat gave a quick, nervous nod, biting his lip. He then started slowly toward his room, and Dave followed.

Once they were both there, Dave pushed Karkat up against the foot of the bed. "Mmf- Dave," the short boy mumbled against his lips. Dave sort of answered him.

"Yes, love?," he replied in a soft tone in his ear. His knee was pressed in between Karkat's legs.

"Please, don't be gentle. I don't care if it hurts, I don't want you to hold back. Give me everything you have. I can take it." Dave's cheeks flushed, and he nodded. He immediately swooped in for a kiss on Karkat's neck, making him moan quietly.

Karkat was soon picked up, and set toward the head of the bed. The bulge in his jeans, which he somehow hadn't noticed until then, practically begged to be freed from his pants. His hands reached down to undo his jeans, biting on his lip. Dave stopped him though.

"I'll do that, thank you very much. I've been wanting to do it since I met you, so I'm gonna fucking do it. You just lay down and let me do the work," he whispered into his ear. "And you're lucky as hell that I'm dominant and rough as fuck. _Kitten_."

Dave was somehow even hotter than he thought he was. Huh. Who knew that was possible? It made his dick hurt like hell though. Either way, it made Karkat whimper a little as his hoodie was lifted off of him, revealing about a billion freckles, just on his arms. Then his t-shirt was lifted. His body was a plethora of freckles, and there were some scars on his arms, but nothing too bad. They all looked old, too, so Dave didn't worry all too much. None were new. So Karkat had stopped cutting. That meant he didn't have to stress about that and stop. Great. That was definitely a relief to Karkat as well, because he didn't want to talk about it.

"Please, keep going," Karkat mumbled lowly after a moment. "My dick hurts all to fuck and I would _really_ like to have that fixed." And with that, his jeans were unbuttoned and lowered. He didn't normally wear jeans, but he was kind of glad he did. They made that feel so much better.

His boxers soon followed, all his clothes ending up beside the bed. Karkat panted lightly as he looked Dave over, who was grinning widely.

"Nice. John owes me $20. Wait- Wait no. He owes me _$40_ now." Karkat simply drew his brows together.

"Why does John owe you all of a sudden?" Dave snickered.

"We bet on whether you had freckles on your dick, a long time ago. Then when I told him I had feelings for you, he said there was no way I would ever get to fuck you. I bet that I could get in your pants by the end of the year. Wait. Hang on. Can I take a picture for proof? No one will see besides John and me. I'm totally gonna keep it though to jack off to when you're not around." Karkat took a moment to actually consider it, just because of the last part.

"Yeah. Yeah alright. Fine. Only if you swear only you and John will see it. And if you swear you'll get both of us in it. So it's not just me being embarrassed." Dave gave a confident nod, then set his phone on the bed.

"Yep. Got it." He smirked as he lifted his shirt. He had a nice build. Battle scars from strifes all over his chest and back, which were hot as fuck. Made Karkat's back arch a little, even. Then, down came the pants. That made Karkat blush intensely, and he groaned very quietly and bit his lip. It was obvious as hell that his dick hurt like a bitch. Dave only smirked at that, then waited for Karkat's eyes to open, to lower his boxers. Definitely thicker than any toy he'd used in the past. Thicker than any toy he'd ever thought about even buying, for that matter. And definitely longer. Looked about 7 inches. Large compared to his own 5 and a half. That made him shiver a little.

"Hey, Dave, uh. I should probably take my piercings out. Lip rings make it kind of hard to kiss.. I'll leave my tongue piercing in though if you want." Dave gave a simple nod, and let Karkat remove the lip piercings. It was weird to see him without them.

Then Dave smirked, looking his body over. "No one's here but us, right?" Karkat nodded immediately.

"Kankri is at Porrim's for the weekend. My dad is at some sort of protest thing. There's actually a fair amount of risk involved in that, but I think he'll be fine. Not gonna die or anything." Dave nodded, then grinned.

"Good. Because I don't want you to hold back at all. You'll be screaming my name and begging before midnight." That caused Karkat's cheeks to flush a deep red. "By the way. Got any lube? Or am I going to have to have you suck on my fingers and use that?" Karkat somehow got even redder.

"I don't have any." Liar. He just wanted to suck on his fingers. He had a full damn bottle. Dave could obviously tell he was lying, but he just went with it. Two of his fingers were placed in front of Karkat's mouth, and he took them in, making sure not to use his teeth.

Once that was done, Dave smirked and slid one finger up his ass. At that, Karkat groaned quietly. Another finger, and he was a little louder.

Once Dave had prepared him, he pressed his length to his opening and stared him right in the eye. He just melted, biting on his lip. "Please, don't tease me," he said in a half whisper. Dave only smirked and nodded. Then he moved one hand to pin his hands above his head, a lustful look in his crimson eyes. He pressed into him, and leaned down to bite his neck. This, of course, made Karkat gasp and arch his back.

His legs slowly lifted to wrap around his waist. Hands in fists, tightly wrapping himself around his partner as best he could, Karkat moaned and groaned quietly, attempting to rock his hips. They eventually found a rhythm, which made things nicer. Especially when Dave got rougher. Karkat moaned and bit on his lip, much too hard, and let himself melt into the mattress.

"Fuck, fuck, Dave, plea-ase, don't stop!," Karkat would call out in a groan. That immediately made Dave stop. What a dick.

Once he stopped, he simply stood up and smirked, pulling out for a moment. He pulled Karkat up as well, only to pin him against the edge of the bed once again. This time, he pushed him down, his back facing up. He roughly pressed his member into him, drawing out a loud moan of his name from Karkat. He pawed and grabbed at the sheets, cursing under his breath.

Karkat's ~~plush as fuck~~ ass pressed into Dave, making the albino groan softly. He pulled Karkat's body a little closer to his own, pressing in deeper. It was somehow only then that he noticed precum dripping from his partner's tip, which made him smirk. He leaned down to nip and kiss his shoulder, mumbling sweet nothings in his ear.

Okay so they were nowhere even  _near_ being sweet nothings. It was dirty talk. Major dirty talk. He brought up how Karkat was his little slut, and how adorable he looked grasping at his sheets and panting and moaning like the little whore he is.

And, because as if Karkat wasn't embarrassed enough already, the overstimulation (which he was obviously into) caused tears to roll down his cheeks, which caused him to hiccup, but it didn't look like he was in pain at all. He looked pleasured as fuck. Still, just to be sure, Dave stopped the dirty talking and slowed down for a moment.

"Tell me if I do something that isn't okay. I don't want to make you uncomfortable." Karkat gave a nod.

"I-I will, just, please don't stop, you feel so good, holy shit," Karkat replied in a groan. 

Dave definitely didn't stop. The main reason was because he could feel his own climax creeping up on him, though he was determined to make Karkat cum first. Which would be easy.

Dave reached one hand down to rub him off, which got him a decent moan. Pretty loud. Then, he leaned down to dirty talk him some more, which was definitely a good plan, because he came on the spot, no warning, no nothing.

Dave came about ten or so seconds after Karkat. Once he did, he smirked and gave a small squeeze at his ass - which was covered in freckles - and pulled out. "Mmf. I know your ass probably hurts, but we should get a shower." Karkat nodded at that, and attempted to get up.

He could hardly stand.

Dave obviously helped him to the bathroom. Karkat held onto his arm, but Dave ended up just lifting him up and carrying him there.

The ginger had to lean on the counter while Dave got the water running. Without warning, though, Karkat was swept off of his feet, and clinging to Dave. Then he realized what was going on, and calmed down. The only sound that came from Dave was a small chuckle.

The shorter male held the other's hand. For balance. Obviously.

And, because Karkat couldn't really move too well, Dave shampooed his hair for him.

It felt nice, really. Not even in a sexual way. It was just calming to have Dave's fingers all over him, in his hair, occasionally on his side or ass because god _damn_  was Dave a tease. It didn't really get to Karkat though, thankfully for him.

Once his hair was rinsed out, the Cancer reached down to get the bottle, to do his partner's hair, as to return the favor.

Dave only furrowed his brows, looking slightly confused. Once Karkat's hand almost reached his hair, his wrist was grabbed, stopping him.

"You can't stand up without help right now, love. You can't use both hands on my hair, which you would need to do to wash it."

Karkat only rolled his eyes. "Then hold onto me by my back. Obviously."

 

Dave gave a small nod and held his back, pulling him close. Karkat's hands explored his hair, and once that was done, the taller of the two was pulled down into a kiss, by a freckled, lovestruck dork.

"Rinse your hair out." Dave quickly did what was asked of him, not taking any time to tease his partner.

They both washed their own bodies, only to save water, and time. Plus, neither of them wanted to get a boner again or some shit. Karkat's ass already hurt too much for that.

Karkat once again leaned on the counter, and waited on Dave. Karkat grabbed them both towels, and in doing so, he realized he could walk, though he was wobbly.

Dave, of course, insisted on carrying him. And Karkat let him. Because Dave was adorable and he couldn't say no.

Once in bed, and under the covers, Dave leaned down to kiss Karkat's cheek. This only resulted in Karkat burying his face in Dave's chest more.

"I love you."

"I love you too. Dork."

And with that, they fell asleep, arms and legs tangled in each other's.

**Author's Note:**

> So I edited the end to put in a shower scene!!
> 
> And, just a heads up. This might turn into an actual story? Or it might have a second part. Having to do with Signless dying and shit.
> 
> Both the shower scene addition request and the part two suggestion were from a good friend of mine!!


End file.
